Housing advisor explains: Words matter 

In this article series, a Hoas housing advisor introduces one of the Safely together principles – what it means in practice, and how you can help create a safe and respectful atmosphere in Hoas homes through your own actions.

Let’s encourage and support one another. Avoid belittling, mocking, or commenting on someone’s appearance – everyone has the right to be themselves without being judged. 

Words have immense power – they can either strengthen a community or break it apart. We all have a responsibility for how we speak to one another. We promote constructive and encouraging language because it helps build a positive atmosphere and reduces misunderstandings. Mocking, belittling, and negative comments can leave lasting scars, so let’s do our best to avoid them. 

As a general rule, it’s best to steer clear of commenting on things like a flatmate’s body, weight, clothing, appearance, lifestyle, relationships, family matters, or education choices. If they want to talk about those topics, they’ll bring them up themselves. 

And when conversations do happen, words matter. They shape the tone of the home. The way we speak – our tone, word choices, and timing – directly influences whether the other person feels heard, respected, and safe. 

It’s also important to remember that we all communicate differently. Some people embrace conflict, while others will avoid difficult conversations at any cost. Some are naturally outspoken, while others may feel anxious about even small talks with their flatmates. Whatever your communication style, there are always different ways to express yourself – ones that build bridges, and ones that burn them. 

Sometimes language itself can complicate things – especially if everyone is speaking in a language other than their mother tongue. Words might not come out quite right, or meanings might shift unexpectedly. 

It’s also worth remembering that communication is more than just words. Nonverbal signals – facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice – all play a huge role. For example, if you apologize but roll your eyes while doing it, your body language will undermine your words. 

Also humor can sometimes hurt, even if the intention was to lighten the mood. Irony, sarcasm, or familiar jokes don’t always land well – especially when people don’t know each other well or come from different backgrounds. If you notice someone didn’t laugh at a joke, it’s a good idea to take a step back and consider why. Humor can also be used to cover up inappropriate behavior – like when someone speaks disrespectfully about a group of people and then brushes it off by saying “It was just a joke.” No one should have to tolerate offensive behavior, even when it’s disguised as humor. 

And if something someone said – or something you said – keeps bothering you after a conversation, it’s usually a sign it’s worth talking about. 

If you notice that your roommate hasn’t helped clean the shared areas, don’t start with blame or sarcasm. Instead, ask if they’d be willing to join in with the cleaning, and share your concerns respectfully and kindly. For example: “Hey, I’ve noticed the shared areas could use some tidying. Would it be possible for all of us to pitch in?” This kind of approach is less accusatory and encourages cooperation. 

The Safely together principles and article series are part of Hoas’s commitment to sustainability. We want to ensure that every tenant has the right to live equally, fairly, and as their authentic self.