Housing advisor explains: Apologizing costs nothing
In this article series, a Hoas housing advisor introduces one of the Safely together principles – what it means in practice, and how you can help create a safe and respectful atmosphere in Hoas homes through your own actions.
Apologizing costs nothing
If you hurt someone – even unintentionally – apologize. Never dismiss another person’s feelings.
If you offend someone, even by accident, it’s important to say you’re sorry. This small gesture can go a long way in improving the relationship and helps create an atmosphere where people’s feelings are valued. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness – it shows that you care and are willing to take responsibility for your actions.
In communal living, everyday life is shared with others, and that inevitably brings situations where someone’s feelings might get hurt. Often, it’s not about intentional unkindness, but rather an accident – something said or done in a hurry, out of ignorance, or based on assumptions. That’s why an apology can be important, even if you don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong.
Sometimes a remark that seems completely harmless to you might hit a nerve for someone else. A light-hearted comment about someone’s appearance, voice, or habits can feel hurtful – especially if it touches on something they feel insecure about, or something they’ve already been teased about many times. And we all have bad days when even small things can feel overwhelming.
When someone says they’ve been hurt by your words or actions, the first reaction is often to defend yourself. But in those moments, it’s important to pause and listen. Most of us don’t want to hurt others on purpose, and these situations can be opportunities to learn about ourselves and each other. You don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s still important to take the other person’s experience seriously. A dismissive response like “It wasn’t a big deal” rarely helps – in fact, it can often make things worse.
Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’ve done something unforgivable. It means you care about the shared atmosphere and about other people’s feelings and boundaries. Often, a simple response like “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that hurt. Thank you for telling me” is enough. That small gesture can make a big difference – and help build the kind of trust that makes communal living safer and more supportive for everyone.
Practical tips for tenants
- Apologize if you’ve hurt someone: If you say something that might offend someone, don’t wait too long. Apologize and make sure the other person understands that you didn’t intend to cause harm.
- Recognize your responsibility: If you realize that your behavior may have caused confusion or harm, openly say you’re sorry. It doesn’t cost you anything, but it can greatly improve mutual understanding and restore a positive atmosphere.
- Don’t dismiss someone’s feelings: If someone offers you an apology, don’t minimize their emotions. Appreciate the apology and try to handle the situation constructively.
Example
If you have an argument with your roommate and say things that might have hurt them, you could say: “I’m sorry if my words hurt you – that wasn’t my intention.” A sincere apology like this can prevent the situation from escalating and help rebuild trust.
The safely together principles and article series are part of Hoas’s commitment to sustainability. We want to ensure that every tenant has the right to live equally, fairly, and as their authentic self.