Housing advisor explains: Don’t assume – ask
In this article series, a Hoas housing advisor introduces one of the Safely together principles – what it means in practice, and how you can help create a safe and respectful atmosphere in Hoas homes through your own actions.
Don’t assume – ask
Life isn’t always visible on the outside. Let’s keep an open mind and make space for different experiences and backgrounds.
When living in a community, not everything in life is obvious. Someone might be going through a tough time but doesn’t want to talk about it. Don’t assume you know what someone is feeling or needs just by observing their behavior. Instead, stay open-minded and be ready to listen if they choose to share.
Why assuming is harmful? We might think that we know more about another person than we actually do. We might believe that we understand their background, values, or way of being based on superficial observations alone. These assumptions can quietly lead us to overlook what makes someone a unique individual. None of us is simply a representative of a group or culture — we don’t fit neatly into molds, and we can’t be defined by them.
Most of the time, we only catch brief glimpses of someone’s life and use those fragments to build a full picture. When the assumptions we attach to those glimpses don’t reflect reality, we may respond in ways that feel unfamiliar or confusing to the other person. Misunderstandings, tension, or distance can arise — even when no harm was intended on either side.
Take silence, for example. It might stem from shyness, exhaustion, a language barrier, or simply a different communication style. But if you interpret that silence as rejection or disinterest, you may begin to act guarded or suspicious. The other person might respond in similar way, and your assumption starts to shape the reality of the interaction.
At worst, assumptions don’t just obscure individuality — they reinforce stereotypes and shrink the shared space between us. When someone’s identity doesn’t fit into what others expect of them, it can lead to a sense of exclusion — a feeling of not being seen for who they truly are. In such an environment, a person may feel pressured to constantly explain or correct misconceptions, which is both exhausting and alienating.
But when we set aside assumptions and approach one another with genuine curiosity — free from preconceptions — we open the door to real understanding.
Practical tips for tenants
- Don’t jump to conclusions: If your flatmate seems quiet or withdrawn, don’t assume they’re angry or don’t want to engage with you. Try simply asking how they’re doing.
- Offer help when needed: If you notice your flatmate seems stressed, ask if there’s something you can do to help. This shows you care and builds trust.
- Bring things up openly: If something is bothering you, be brave enough to talk about it. Don’t wait for the other person to initiate – speak up before it turns into a bigger issue.
Example
If you’ve noticed your flatmate has been unusually quiet and withdrawn, you can gently reach out by saying: “Hey, are you okay? If you need anything or want to talk, I’m here.” This can open up a conversation and help build mutual understanding.
The Safely together principles and article series are part of Hoas’s commitment to sustainability. We want to ensure that every tenant has the right to live equally, fairly, and as their authentic self.